i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
