1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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