Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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