C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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