New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
