Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am in a vortex of obligation.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
