I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
