How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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