final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
