this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
