Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
