your thong is hanging out like whoa
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
