umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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