ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
