in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
