I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
