and you said cock pushups were impossible
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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