I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
