Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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