im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
