Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So many bounce houses so little time
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
