Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
