She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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