there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
