I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
