Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize