You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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