Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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