woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
