I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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