I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
