i wish my penis had a tongue
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
tell me about the eggs
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