i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
