My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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