We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
