You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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