i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
