So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
