Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
