I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
