I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
