Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
