We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
