thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
