Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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