my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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