she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
