and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
