On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Two words: blizzard sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
