She said her name was "party"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
