Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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