just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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