dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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