I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Boobs speak an international language.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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