Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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