Where did you get a picture of my penis
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
