the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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