Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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