I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
