I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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