i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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