I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
