Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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