I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
