we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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