i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
