Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
