it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
