I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
