Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
