"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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