Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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