Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
