you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
