Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
